my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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