I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
