Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
