i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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