Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
