There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Green mimosas i think yes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
