Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The Olympian is in my bed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
