i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
