She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
