This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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