My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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