I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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