North Korea, Best Korea!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pooping to opera.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
