So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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