yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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