someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
