OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
