His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
