Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
