Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
