brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
