DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
