i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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