your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
