I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
