the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
