he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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