:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
