Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
