Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
