ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
