belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
