everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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