if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
