Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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