Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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