There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He did a backflip because drugs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
