there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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