How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like death gave me a hand job
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
