we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
