Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
