i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
