A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
