I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
