She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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