he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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