I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
