just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
