Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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