I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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