Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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