hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
