i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
