whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
